As a starting point for our discussion, here is the definition of “fair” as an adjective - from the Oxford Languages Dictionary - “impartial and just, without favouritism or discrimination.”

When I mediate, in fact in my early screening meetings, I am often assured by the person I am speaking with that they “only want to be fair”. Sometimes, the comment is made in a pleading way, with a measure of frustration that efforts made so far to settle have brought no results. Why is that the case, the person asks - after all, what I am proposing is nothing other than “fair”.

Imagine that you chose family mediation to resolve your outstanding separation-related issues and that your efforts were successful. You managed to do this either in a single, longer mediation session or in a series of meetings during which the outstanding issues were addressed, one by one. What happens now?

The answer depends on a number of factors. The first question to consider is whether lawyers are involved. Let's treat this as our first scenario. Generally speaking, when the parties have lawyers who actually participate in the mediation session(s), they work with the mediator on crafting a document which the parties will sign before the sessions end, and which will represent a binding agreement between them as to the outstanding issues.

Let’s set the scene: you have 4 hours set aside with a family mediator. You and your ex have had a bad, bad breakup with lots of acrimony, anger and mistrust. In two weeks, you will be going to trial - an expensive and emotionally exhausting process that will polarize you and your ex, parents of two children, even further. The mediator has rolled up her sleeves and is ready to help you both walk through the door of settlement. The parties and their lawyers are sitting at the negotiating table (in person or virtually) - what next? Someone needs to make the first offer. Is that you?

The title of this post is somewhat tongue-in-cheek but I'm trying to convey an essential message: time seems to go by faster when you are mediating, and that can mean added stress.

When you attend family mediation with a lawyer, the sessions are generally either half-day or a full-day. This means that the mediator has that amount of time set aside to try and assist with settlement. The parties, their lawyers and the mediator interact during this period of time, focussing on the issues, and the possibility of finalizing them through dialogue and negotiation….

When we receive mediation-related calls into the office, Carolyn, who fields all such calls, is often asked the question posed in the title. It is difficult to answer it on the spot because the response depends on a number of factors: - some of which are within your control and some of which are not. Imagine getting into a cab and asking the driver how long the ride will take without telling him or her where you are going and without knowing whether there is any traffic along the way or road construction, for example.

Family mediation can address a variety of issues arising out of a separation. This includes “finances” and here, the reference can mean support, as in child and spousal support, or assets and debts (and how to address them once separation takes place). When you come to a family mediator to talk about any of these topics, you need to come prepared for the dialogue. More than that, you need to give the mediator tools with which to try and resolve the dispute. Let’s consider these tools in more detail.