Mediating Christmas parenting
Yes, it IS possible to mediate a narrow aspect of parenting, like for example sharing the children’s time with the other parent over the Christmas holidays. AND it’s never too early to start that dialogue.
I devoted a whole episode of my SANE SPLIT Podcast to this topic - if you are interested in learning more, give it a listen.
Here are some basic points:
If this is a “transitional year” for parents and children, which is the name I give to the first year following the separation, addressing Christmas in as much advance as possible is particularly important - give yourself ample time to dialogue on this topic with the other parent and consider being creative as the children get accustomed to celebrating the holidays in two homes.
If you have already broached the subject with the other parent, have some ideas in common but do not agree on other aspects of sharing the time, seek out a family mediator early, and build on the consensus you already have. In family mediation, you might find out there are options you did not consider earlier, scheduling possibilities which address not only the parties’ positions but also their interests.
Consider what will happen if you cannot work things out directly with the other parent, and/or if family mediation is not successful - a family Court Judge, a stranger to you and your kids, will have to make a decision on their time over the holidays - that is far, far from ideal. There will be costs involved. One parent will walk out of family court unhappy. Do you want to take the risk it might be you ? Unfortunately, some parents leave this issue unresolved for so long that a court decision is required on the very eve of the holidays. If you and the other parent are stressed and anxious before the holidays - trust me when I say - your kids will be stressed and anxious too. Preserve FOR THEM the magic of this special time - work on a schedule as soon as possible.
Always look at Christmas scheduling from the children’s perspective - not from yours. This means it’s about their best interests and not about your rights and wants. All arrangements should be child-focused ~ because their happiness and well-being is at stake.
BEGIN THAT DIALOGUE TODAY….
©AJJakubowska
